Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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