kristin has been a bad kristin
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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