Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
