his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
did i just pee glitter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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