I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i think i just lost a toe
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize