this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
