Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
