I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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