I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize