Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
