when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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