There was a lot of him and a little penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
