I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
