tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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