thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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