at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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