Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck appropriateness.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
