Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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