You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize