Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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