I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
