So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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