i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
