She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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