1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
