and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
