He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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