I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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