a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
