he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
