so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
