At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
