I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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