oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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