Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
