Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I look better un-naked...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
