if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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