areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
