Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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