It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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