every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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