Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize