I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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