He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
