i think i have two assholes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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