Pants 0. Shit 1.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
