Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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