I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize