At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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