please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
