i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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