He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
