so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
