roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
