I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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