I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize