return my video game
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
