Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
