The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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