I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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