i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
