There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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