I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
