Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
