The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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