You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
