Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
