If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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