Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
