i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
