I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
