That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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