You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
