mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
