That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
