Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
