It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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