hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
