I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
