i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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