Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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