so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
