She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sobbing to NWA
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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