The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
