He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
