Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
