I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
