if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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