Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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