I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
