i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
