He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
