i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
