I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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