Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
