You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize