I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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